It’s Monday….the kids are back at school and I am sitting here thinking about the past, the future and everything in between. This past week or so has taken me on a trip down memory lane. It’s been a wonderful journey…lots of fun, lots of smiles, and at the same time much reflection. I have also had the chance to reconnect with distant friends in this process. What a wonderful gift.
What brought about this trip…..milestones. We often measure the growth of our little ones in milestones, but we lose some of that as time marches on and they grown up. This week however, for me at least, was a cross-roads of sorts…some real milestones. My son, Riley is now 14…is an eighth grader — He is so grown up, not the little cuddly boy I once knew…(although sometimes I still see that boy), but for the most part we’re all grown up. Then there is my Katie, my #2 —Katie celebrated her 12th birthday on Friday –only one more year before my little girl is a teenager (officially at least)…. WOW!!!!!
The first epiphany came at Riley’s annual well visit. The Doctor said something that knocked the wind right out of me, meaning nothing by it other than a statement of fact…..Dr. W was asking Riley about school, his goals, dreams and plans for the future…. when he suddenly turned to me and said “you realize you only have him for four more years”….WHAT?……Of course I know this —- if I really sat down and thought about it, and I have without really thinking, you know what I mean…. I am not sure I actually ever consciously said it for noted it. Only four years. Oh my gosh…….that’s not nearly enough time — would it really be only four years until he moved on to college and might never live in our house except for visits again. To add fuel to that fire we received the course catalog and attended the scheduling fair for High School students. My Riley will be a freshman next year and we have spent the better part of the last week discussing courses and college — he has wonderful aspirations and dreams and it was fun to hear about his plans (in the context of course selections). What will he be and where will he go. I swear he just finished preschool. He is ready and excited….Me on the other hand — I am scared and uncertain. It’s all happened so fast….and I am not sure i am ready…although he is.
Then there is Katie……only a minute ago she as a four year old swimmer……a ball of fire, bopping around the pool deck…hanging on the shoulders of the 12 year old girls and her coaches….just being “T”……and now she is all that adolescent – the total stereotype – a real 12 year old girl…THE MALL, clothing, jewelry, purses, hair and do I dare say makeup (not a good look for a swimmer I might add) I am proud of the young lady she is becoming, all the same time I yearn for the days when she was that little cherub, silly, carefree and simply soaking up life…oblivious to any of the hard stuff….friendship strife, disappointments, pressures from school and sport. I miss the part of her life where hair was sloppy 10 minutes after I fixed it (although it drove me nuts at the time), She dressed the way I wanted her too….or when she didn’t it was a riot. You know the years. Cute and exasperating all at the same time (really where my Addy (#4…our baby — is right now)
Don’t get me wrong…I am happy for my children. They are growing up just how we had hoped and have raised them to be…and you are probably saying…gosh she has two more and she’s whining about time…… and I do and they are all that I am remembering of the older ones now (and I promise to cherish it more). The older two have become….Strong willed, sensible, wonderful, loving and good kids….not little kids, but big kids…..Independent enough to go away to camps and be OK…and to move on to college and beyond and be OK with that too. These moments brought with them the realization that time has slipped away from me, but perhaps I have encouraged it to some extent…wished it away of sorts…not realizing that I should have stopped and smelled the roses. I was anxious for them to hit their milestones I took blankies and bottles away at a year (because the book said so)….among other things. Would it have mattered if they had that binky 6 more months ? …or walked a little later ? ….talked a little later ? Really it wouldn’t have….they would have just stayed smaller for just a little while longer, or not.
I am happy for my babies…..I am. I am proud of them….beyond words…but if given the opportunity….just once…maybe for even just a day, I would take them back in time….we’d cuddle with their blankies, puppies, and bottles…and giggle and play and just enjoy being little. There would be no cell phones, or iPods or computers…. I would get to hold them one last time while they are small without the distraction of their new interests…smell their little heads after bath time one last time….and know that I was the center of their worlds one last time. I know it’s all there….but they are all grown up….and well…..that’s just how it’s supposed to be.
What I do have are the memories….and the future. Watching them succeed in life will bring it’s own rewards….new rewards….AND I still have the snap shots (hundreds of them). I am so happy I do. This weekend on my trip down memory lane I looked backward and smiled. Looked back at a time when my two oldest were still so small and innocent….. and I looked younger and thinner….and well I was. LOL!!!! I looked at pictures of their friends who are all grown up now. The girls my Katie hung on on the pool deck are now in college, coaches are married and parents of their own beautiful children. Time has moved on, and life is good. We are all good….and with us we take our memories.
So to all my clients and friends….I know you have heard me say it in the past, but I will say it again. Your memories are just a blip in time….these moments are fleeting…..don’t miss them…capture them…preserve them. Not every photograph is a portrait…they don’t need to be…it’s OK if the lights not just right…or maybe they are even a little blurry b/c your kids just don’t stay still. They are what they are intended to be a snapshot of a moment in time…YOUR MOMENTS / YOUR MEMORIES….so get out your camera….put it in your purse and snap away…..Perhaps you too will many years later, like me, be prompted to pull out some of those old photos and remember the sweetness of what once was and be overcome with Pride and Joy at how far they have come….and know that in spite of occasional mistakes…You’ve done OK.
Then and now……some snaps of my oldest children…..just being kids !!!!
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